


Change

by Klarahhh



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Adjustment Disorder, Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, I'm Bad At Summaries, M/M, Yuri Plisetsky Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 07:45:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8881993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klarahhh/pseuds/Klarahhh
Summary: Change in itself is a monosyllabic,simple word. It's the consequences that followed which always seemed to sweep Yuri Plisetsky off his feet. The way the word constantly hung over his head as a reminder that nothing was ever truly set in stone was one of the most fear inducing concepts he'd ever tried to rationalize within his mind.  He could just never understand why the word word could paralyze him.A look into the events that shaped Yuri Plisetsky into the boy he is now. How change affected every aspect of his life, and his response to it all.





	

Yuri Plisetsky had never liked change. He had never like the uncertainty that always followed, or the way a whole day’s plan could fade away into complete nothingness, as if it never truly had any meaning. As if it never mattered. With Yuri spontaneous change always lead to arguments in which he brandished cruel words like a soldier wielded their weapons. He believed he couldn’t help it, when he was in pain, the only way he could convey the depth of his sorrow was through causing pain of his own. Forewarned changes weren’t received with any less animosity either. If a person had the foresight to cancel a plan, why make it in the first place? He could never choose which one he disliked the least. They both caused anger to simmer beneath his alabaster skin and hurt to bloom behind his eyes.

These emotions made him feel weak; it was pathetic how his emotional state had to depend on the whims of others. Would pushing away people make the distress go away? Could the isolation keep the emotions locked out...or would they stay and suffocate him with their constant presence?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time Yuri realized his world was going to be turned upside down with no hope of resetting, he was seven. It was a Monday; it was just a Monday and everything was normal. His teachers looked at him with piteous eyes, his fellow classmates judged his disgusting femininity, and he expected to come home to discarded liquor bottles that littered his mom’s small, cluttered apartment.

Yuri never objected to her lack of sobriety; it was just a part of her. Everyone had unique quirks, and who was to say his mom’s were more terrible in comparison to the others that could be pinpointed in the world around them? Lux, his nickname for her ever since he started to learn tiny bits of Latin, was beautiful. Strings of gold framed her petite face and her eyes were a blessing in their own right; he saw the ocean in them. Before bed, the soft melody of her voice would waft through the room, always rough around the edges, but containing a warmth that could only be felt through a mother and child’s bond.

With all that weighing heavily in his mind, he couldn’t understand why these men, who Lux had said were sworn to protect every russian citizen, were telling him that his mother was a bad person. That she was neglectful even though he couldn’t truly understand what that word meant. They asked if he had any other family members; however, he thought it was a stupid question. Who else did he need other than Lux?

It wasn’t until he was dropped in front of his father’s doorway that he finally understood what the officers, really he thought ‘liars’ were more fitting, were trying to convey. If they had just said no more kisses on his fingers, no more melodies sung in his honor, and no more braids woven into his hair to match his mother’s, he would have broken down much sooner. It wasn’t until he was fourteen that he learned that his mom would only let him call her ‘Lux’ instead of ‘Mom’ because she didn’t believe she deserved the title. To this day he still calls that bullshit.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
There’s only one change Yuri ever readily accepted, and that’s because he was afraid. He was afraid of this man that had suddenly injected himself into his life due to unfortunate circumstances. The catalyst for the change was Yuri Plisetsky himself. Lux always told him to do one thing when truly held in an unshakable grasp if fear: call the police. So he did, and the reaction from both sides were less than satisfactory. If the cops arrested one good person for being bad, he wondered, why couldn’t they do the same thing here?

The cops left without a word, and the fury that swept across his father’s face was horrifying. His hand was heavy and hard as blows rained down on his frail body. The man called it discipline; Yuri called it unfair. Ever since that day, the small boy walked on eggshells around the man. It didn’t help. Something was always wrong with him according to the adult. The way he talked, too subdued; the way he walked, too lackadaisical; and his mannerisms, too feminine. 

He only spent a year in that home; however, the days dragged on for so long he honestly believed it to be longer. The same cops that took him from Lux dragged him away from his father. Pity filled their eyes, and on that day Yuri Plisetsky determined he hated those eyes the most. Police were still on ambiguous grounds within his mind, they’ve saved and hurt him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Nikolai Plisetsky always defended Yuri with conviction in his voice matched by no other when parents would put the boy’s personality into question and paint it in a negative light. Yuri couldn’t understand his reasoning, especially with how he acted around the olderman for the first year of his new living arrangements. Yuri’s words were always clipped, and his tone was always biting. When the old man wouldn’t let him get his way, he’d throw a tantrum and scream until his voice gave out. Nikolai just laughed and patted his head before switching on a TV show and waiting the child out. 

Nikolai was always a man of compromise and solutions. He promised Yuri that if he became more considerate of those around him, he’d give the boy more freedom. The kid had readily agreed and divulged any information he didn’t hold too dear to him in return for the man’s kindness. 

It was what led him to the rink.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The first time Yuri Plisetsky had a mental breakdown due to a spontaneous,uncontrollable change he was Ten, and it was on the ice. Prior to the day it happened, he had celebrated his mom’s birthday. It had become an annual event during his time with his grandpa. Nikolai always said that blood honored blood in any way they could even through the smallest of things. As he rolled the thought over in his mind, Yuri had thought that he should honor her through a song. In the child’s mind it was perfect; if he did this routine to his mom’s favorite song perfect enough she’d come back. He’d have a loving mom and grandpa. It would be perfect.

He practiced for months. The songs lyrics were forever engraved in his mind;although, he couldn’t understand the meaning behind the words. Love was what coursed through his veins when the song played and that’s what he’d portray.

Everything was perfect until a pipe burst inside his hometown skating rink, and his rink mates had to relocate along with him. The scenery was too different. The sounds ricocheted off the walls in different beats; it was disorienting. The ice beneath his feat had a different heartbeat and felt more rigid, cold. He botched the jumps he attempted; his grandpa had never looked so surprised in his life. When he thought he saw disappointment within his grandpa’s eyes his knees locked and he couldn’t breath. The ice was engulfing him as anxiety licked at his skin. Hot, fat tears slipped out of the corner of his eyes as his blood started to form on his palms as they scratched the ice. He barely noticed his grandpa scoop him into his arms.

“Why do I feel this way?”

The doctors called it an Adjustment Disorder; they said he was sick. They thought he’d grow out of it, but the chances were very low. 

He held his grandpa as he cried that night.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Victor’s choice to abandon him for a stranger half-way across the world ignited something within Yuri. He wasn’t sure if it was anger or sadness; he’d always used one to mask the other. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered to try the win the affection of the other man. Why he’d flown halfway across the world just to make a man keep a promise he obviously didn’t want to keep. Why he couldn’t just be content with life and stop letting emotions rule over him like he was a puppet and they pulled the strings.

When he returned back to Russia he cried. He cried because he wasn’t good enough. There was always a reason for a type of change and his inferiority to Yuuri Katsuki had to have been the catalyst. Katsuki was everything that Plisetsky wasn’t. Katsuki was kind; Plisetsky was rude. Katsuki was a joy to have around; Plisetsky was a nuisance. Katsuki was strong enough to overcome his mental illness when it mattered most; Plisetsky would always succumb to his. Katsuki was Yuri; Plisetsky was Yurio. There really was only one Yuri on ice, and Yuri Plisetsky has already accepted the fact that it was not him. 

After admitting that fact, Yuri felt that it was easier to fake a smile. However, it was harder to ignore the disappointed crease between his grandfather’s eyes.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first good change that’s ever happened to him was surprisingly not in Russia. Maybe it highlighted his need for new scenery or a new point of view;either way, he was glad it had happened. Meeting Otabek Altin and allowing the events that followed dictate pieces of his life was more endearing and pleasant than he it could be. The other man always stuck to a prompt schedule, and never canceled unless it was necessary. He didn’t treat Yuri like glass when he found out the reasoning surrounding his anger, he still had “#Victuuri” apologizing to this day. Although Otabek still got flustered at times with the situation he still tried to understand. 

Otabek’s presence was calming. It reminded him of the the feeling he got when Lux’s voice would carry the most beautiful sounds throughout the air. It reminded him of the way he Grandpa would smile after a particularly harsh tantrum; no judgement in his demeanor, just patience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Instead of letting a huge change hit him in the face like a brick, Yuri decided to catalyse one himself. He was tired of just taking things sitting down. Taking back control of his life was hard, and sometimes he couldn’t tell that he was doing it all. However, Otabek would always praise his progress with something sweet and homemade, usually awful, in the design of a cat. Noninvasive and thoughtful. Just the way he liked it.

In return, Yuri spontaneously grabbed Otabek’s hand and dragged him off to a random cafe around the corner. The smile on his face never left as he dodged all the playful questions Otabek threw his way.

“Otabek….this is Lux. My mother. Mom, this is Otabek. My Boyfriend.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, this is my second fanfiction for the YOI fandom, and i apologize for its content. i recently made a tumblr if anyone wants to geek out about the fandom with me! The-klarah


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